Starting Over….Again!

Final Punch Stock Illustrations – 43 Final Punch Stock Illustrations,  Vectors & Clipart - Dreamstime

Those of you who are regular readers, know most of this, but there are quite a few newbies, so a little review of my weight loss journey will do us all some good.

I’ve been morbidly obese since I was 19 years old, except for 7 years, 1990 – 97. I’m 64 years old. I peaked out at 305 lbs a few years back. Yikes. Even the full moon hid behind me when it got scared of werewolves. I was not just big, I was….enormous. At 5’9” tall, you get the picture. I was round. And round IS a shape.

Off and on, all my life, I have lost weight and regained it. And usually a bit more to boot. I lost down to 220, about 20 years ago. Then I ballooned up to 305. I got down to 250, and went up to 25. Rinse and repeat that 275 to 250 several times. Then in 2019 I started the Ketogenic diet. I lost a lot of weight, though I didn’t weigh myself. I know from clothes sizes. I gained it back. I started Keto again in early 2020, and got down to 215. I was cruising. Along the way, I started this blog to talk about it.

But about 5 months ago, and I haven’t talked much about it, something happened that put me into a major depression. I mean big time. For two or three weeks, I just ate and drank myself into oblivion. Eventually, I stabilized a bit, and got my eating mostly back under control. Alcohol, though, was another story. I had several drinks every night of the week except Saturday, to help me sleep. Such was my depression. I didn’t go out and drink. I never drove with alcohol in my system. I did frequently get tipsy. Anything to get some sleep.

The main problem with that was, calories. Beer has calories AND a lot of carbs. The low carb beer tastes awful. The only reason I think anyone would drink it is for the alcohol. Good beer, is loaded with flavor. Flavor, alcohol, carbohydrates, and calories. Wine has fewer carbs, but still a good amount. And whiskey, like tequila, gin, and vodka, is quite low in carbs, but very high in calories.

I was having several drinks every night. And sometimes, of course, I got hungry and ate. Most of the time, it was keto friendly food, but not always. I’m just being honest here.

About a month ago, I came to the conclusion that I don’t like the taste of alcohol every night. It was getting yucky. And it was taking more and more to get to sleep. That was getting expensive. So I quit drinking. I wasn’t addicted, I was depressed. There’s a big difference. I was using it to hide from my pain. But I didn’t like my hiding place.

So, it’s been a month since I quit drinking to get to sleep. But I noticed early last week that my belt felt a bit snug. It wasn’t bad, but it was not comfortable, either. Yesterday, it was particularly distracting. And yesterday, I was also in a major funk. I mean a major one. I was depressed all day. I cried a lot. I haven’t done that in a while. I locked my doors about 6 p.m. And just watched Amazon films the rest of the evening. I went to sleep about 1 a.m.

This morning I weighed myself for the first time in several weeks. I was stunned. The scales said, 235. So I weighed myself again. 235. I moved the scales and got on again. Even moving the scales, I got the same results. Well, crap!

So I’ve spent the morning, going over my notes, and figuring out what went wrong. First, those weeks of binge eating probably accounted for some of it. And the months of ever increasing alcohol probably accounted for the rest.

Here’s the deal, alcohol not only has a lot of calories, it slows down your metabolism so that you don’t burn as much. That won’t matter whether it’s carbs or fat. You just won’t burn. And, as I’ve often said, regardless of whether you’re on keto, or some other diet, calories count. The just do. Perhaps not at first, but eventually, they matter. It’s basic science.

I have one other problem. Two days a week I eat in the home of friends. They are good friends. I love going to their homes. But neither of them understand my dietary restrictions. Plus, they fill my plate. I don’t even get to choose what I will eat. And both of them, insist on giving me dessert. They are being hospitable. No one is trying to mess with my weight loss. These are people who actually care about me. I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do. Maybe just not clean my plate. My mom would be extremely disappointed in me for that, but I might have to.

I’m going to go hard core keto for two weeks, then shift to South Beach phase 2 diet, which is still very keto friendly. I’m bored with keto. Bored to tears. I like vegetables, but I don’t like fancy vegetable dishes. I like steamed and boiled veg. I like them plain or with butter. I have tried recipes from books and the flavor is not worth the extra work. Sigh.

For the next month, I will weigh myself twice a week. Then I will go back to once a week. The scales are there, I might as well use them.

Here’s he deal. I’ve been knocked down. Again. It happens. It’s time to get up again, and start over. I could quit. I could give up and say screw it. I’ve done that before. But not now. Not this time. I’m just going to get up, dust myself off, and fight on. I want to win. Somewhere along the way, this time, my attitude has changed. For the first time, in decades, I have no intention of quitting. Watch This Space!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.